5,4,and 2

5,4,and 2

Thursday, February 19, 2015

Pride vs. Trust

     Something that has been on my mind lately in between writing speeches for class and reading about intro to psychology research and that is Pride and trust.  AND because my word nerd friend has me hooked on definitions I can't live life without looking up the meanings to pretty much every word that pops in my head these days.  So I am going to try and break down the words according to the good ole dictionary and what comes to mind as I try to process the information.

     "Pride: a feeling that you respect yourself and deserve to be respected by other people
              : a feeling that you are more important or better than other people
              : a feeling of happiness that you get when you or someone you know does something good, difficult, etc."

     "Trust: belief that someone or something is reliable, good, honest, effective, etc.
              : an arrangement in which someone's property or money is legally held or managed by someone else or by an organization (such as a bank) for usually a set period of time
              : an organization that results from the creation of a trust"

     You might be trying to stay with me here or I may have completely lost you, so let me try and get you back.  I struggle with pride, and I think I struggle with pride because I struggle with a lack of trust.  Trust in a lot of things but mainly a lack of trust in God. I hope I am not alone in this.  I don't feel like I struggle with pride in the typical "big head" sort of way, but rather in the opposite way of "I don't deserve anything and am worthless" sort of way.  I have come to realize and have been challenged recently by my therapist what exactly this means in my life.  A million things run through my mind all day every day even as I am typing this.  Pride sneaks in and questions if I am doing anything right often times leaving me paralyzed with the answer that I am not.  Which leads me to believe I am too proud to trust.  Too proud to trust my friends and family, too proud to trust my treatment team that beg me to believe in myself, too proud to trust myself to make any kind of beneficial decision for my life, and most of all too proud to trust the one who gave up everything for me, Jesus.  

     It gets to me that in the definition of trust the word "effective" describes so much of my life and yet I'm too proud about being humble that I won't come to terms with the fact that God is effective.  My reality of pride vs. trust is so skewed that even simple things become such a struggle.  This week in one of my counseling sessions I was asked what it would look like if I trusted God and just took His hand.  No deep theological meaning, just trust God in one small little seemingly meaningless thing.  My answer...was silence, I couldn't even answer.  Once again I was paralyzed.  As I have been thinking for several days about how this blog would go and trying to piece together the words to say I want to just be all in and trust all the time, but that's not reality either.  I struggle with life, a lot.  Even though my struggle with pride is different it's still not me trusting in God's goodness and provision. I came across this video on facebook I wanted to share.  It reminds me of that question I was asked about just giving a little to God.  


     What does it mean to trust and where do you start? 
Go with what's effective, God is effective.  His life, His love, His care for you is all effective.  Does that mean easy? No, it means He will make it work, trust that He will work all things together for His purposes and His glory.

1 comment:

  1. a feeling of happiness that you get when you or someone you know does something good, difficult, etc." - yep. That's how you just made me feel. I love you.